Why Coffins Should Be Made Out of Tea Bags.

by André O'Kelly
(Nelspruit, South Africa)

You are having dinner with your wife at a restaurant, she is talking and you are nodding. This is good.

It might even be some occasion because there are candles on the table and a guy with a violin nearby. Maybe it's some sort of anniversary. The dull red glow of the alarm light in your head slowly brings you back from thinking about your worms to the present.

You are still nodding but your wife has stopped talking. This is bad.
The red glow intensifies to a searing bright light and the look on her face tells you there will be domestic trouble to follow.

The guy with the violin gives you a disappointed look, pouts and slowly shakes his head.

You have been watching the salad a guy left at a nearby table, fresh stuff and he didn't use any dressing ...you've been watching him for the last 30 minutes, you try to call the waiter to ask if you can get a doggy bag for the guy's salad (the worms are going to love that)

Your wife spots the salad....she gives you the 'don't you dare' look.

Your resolve crumples into a pathetic submissive pile of, well....pathetic submissiveness.
You only challenged that look once and it ended badly for you.

My household has two eras:
1 The time before the worms
2 The time of the worms ...also know as 'these days'

Example:
Dad, there was a time before the worms when you were kinda normal, these days every house guest is introduced to your worms....one by one. It's weird and creepy! (yes dear, but you haven't brought a new boyfriend home in months)

The fact is that in many cases worms have a huge life changing effect on people.

You are suddenly turbo boosted into recycling, re-using, re-forming and rehabilitating. You see new opportunities everywhere.

You suddenly see the amount of unnecessary waste in your household and the world, you realize how everybody should be farming worms and growing their own healthy vegetables.

It is so obvious, you feel the urge to spread the good news and you are shocked at the lack of interest your fellow human beings display. You were there too once. You start coming up with little sayings like : We were blind but the worms made us see....that only gets an eye rolling response from the family.

The very word 'worms' triggers the pavlovian response of 'gross!' from people you talk to. Then you show them your veggie patch and you can see the lights slowly going on.

One in ten will start asking questions and if you are helpful enough one in twenty will get worms and attempt their own veggie patch. This is a beautiful experience because you have touched someone's life in a great and positive way thanks to the worms.

Like the saying goes: "Show a man how to fish and he will be borrowing your fishing rod until you end the friendship, but show him how to make a fishing rod and he will have fish for the rest of his life".

It seems the worms have a wonderful way to reconnect people with the earth on a very deep level and take us back to our roots (so many puns), then I realized maybe it has something to do with the fact that we are all ultimately 'worm food'

And suddenly I am very happy with that concept.
My coffin will be made out of tea bags one day.